Seeking reassurance is a natural behavior that many humans engage in during their life. This could look like “Which shoes do you like better with this outfit?” or “Do you think this needs more salt?” or even, “Do you think this sentence is worded awkwardly?”. This desire for feedback from others is a normal and natural part of the human experience. However, for those with an anxiety disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), this need for reassurance can become a vicious cycle that gets in the way of living a life aligned with their goals and values.
So, how can we distinguish between a simple request for an opinion and a more problematic pattern of seeking reassurance? It is important to consider the following factors:
- Frequency and intensity of distress: Do the reassurance seeking behaviors take up more than an hour of your day? Is engaging in reassurance seeking causing significant distress?
- Impact on daily functioning: Is seeking reassurance getting in the way of relationships, work, ability to relax, or other activities that are important to you?
- Purpose: Do you feel only a short-term feeling of relief followed by more urges to seek reassurance?
In order to effectively treat anxiety and OCD, it is important to understand how these disorders function. Anxiety and OCD are fueled by uncertainty and doubt, driving individuals to seek some sense of certainty, often through compulsively seeking reassurance (also known as engaging in compulsions) from loved ones, googling oftentimes unanswerable questions, or ruminating that may be masked as "problem-solving". These emotionally driven behaviors may provide short-term relief but can ultimately distance us from living in a way that is aligned with our goals and values, (especially if you answered yes to the questions listed above). The cycle of OCD and anxiety functions like this; an individual has a thought “does this headache mean I might have a brain tumor?” which is then followed by a feeling of discomfort/anxiety. After that, the individual wants a short-term solution, which is the reassurance seeking. After seeking reassurance, the individual feels relief. That relief can only last so long, until they have another distressing thought, which starts the cycle again. As the individual goes through this cycle over and over again, they continue to strengthen the belief that engaging in reassurance seeking is the only solution, even if they might logically understand this is not an effective long-term solution.
Now, you may wonder, is there a way to break this vicious cycle? There is! Addressing these strong urges to engage in compulsions by NOT engaging in the compulsions. Instead, allowing the discomfort of uncertainty to exist can be highly beneficial in the long run, despite feeling uncomfortable short term. Some examples of what this could look like for an individual with OCD are:
- Using non engagement responses such as “that would be very scary”, and not allowing there to be an opportunity for a rumination spiral.
- Delaying the urge to seek reassurance (this could be anywhere from 1 minute to a few hours)
- Practicing mindfulness to help notice how you are thinking and feeling (perhaps you notice the feeling of anxiety passes over time). These approaches can help foster new learning and help to tolerate discomfort.
If you or someone you care about is caught in a cycle of seeking reassurance, it may be beneficial to consult a licensed clinician specializing in evidence-based treatments such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) approaches. Therapy can address anxiety and OCD through exposure techniques, changing our relationship with discomfort, and reframing our interactions with distressing thoughts and feelings.
