relationship

One of the most complicated scenarios in couple therapy involves the situation in which one or both partners express uncertainty about trying to preserve their marriage. As described by Doherty (2011), this “mixed-agenda” couple occurs when one partner prefers to save the marriage (“leaning in”), while the other partner wishes to end it (“leaning out”). When couples come to the brink of divorce before they seek professional counseling, their respective agendas for couple therapy can be so misaligned that any progress the therapist tries to make with the couple is thwarted by the depth of their polarization.

Problems in intimate relationships are associated with a host of negative psychological and physical health consequences, such as depression, anxiety, and heart disease (Hawkins & Booth, 2005; Fincham & Beach, 2010; Whisman, 2007). Researchers have identified several types of interpersonal behaviors among couples that predict relationship distress or break-up/divorce; these are referred to as danger signs. Danger signs can take many forms, from aggressive behavior expressed on a first date to a long-term pattern of repeated escalation or withdrawal during discussions and arguments. Early and accurate awareness of danger signs may help individuals make healthy decisions about how to proceed within a new or long-term relationship.

Chronic health conditions, or psychological or physical health conditions that persist for 3 months or longer (Newacheck & Taylor, 1992), are quite common. About half of all adults in the U.S. have at least one chronic health condition, and about 25% have two or more (Ward, Schiller, & Goodman, 2014). While arthritis and muscoskeletal conditions are the leading cause of activity limitations among working-age adults, psychological disorders are the second leading cause among individuals age 18-44 years old (National Center for Health Statistics, 2006). In 2007, approximately 39% of the nearly 41 million disabled individuals had mental disabilities, which include disorders such as schizophrenia, bipolar and chronic depression (U.S. Census Bureau, 2007).

Finding yourself and your partner on the brink of a spat? First check how long since either of you have eaten. We all know how easy it is to be grumpy when we’re hungry. Indeed, there’s a connection between our mood and the level of blood sugar — glucose — in the body.

Through our use of cell phones, laptops, and tablets, we can feel as though we are more “connected” than ever before. We can check Facebook posts, send emails, stream video, or text our partners – all while sitting on the bus, in Starbucks or at work. But the question remains: Does this tethering to the Internet lead to greater intimacy and connection with ourselves and the ones we love, or does it simply provide an illusion of intimacy? What happens to those individuals who already struggle to incorporate sexual intimacy as a loving, caring behavior in their marriage or partnership?

Who among us doesn’t sometimes say the wrong thing or act in a way that triggers — even accidentally — a spouse’s hurt feelings? And who among us, after a misstep, doesn’t want to be forgiven? We want our partner to move on without harboring ill will. Research has found that an authentic apology increases the likelihood of being forgiven, and reduces feelings of anger in the “injured” spouse.

What trips up couples? Poor communication, overworked spouses, the stress of raising children, financial pressures — these are what typically come to mind. But one culprit often goes unmentioned: a partner’s history of childhood sexual abuse. Some studies estimate that 1 in 5 women and 1 in 20 men have been subjected to sexual abuse as youngsters.

How busy do you keep yourself? Very busy? Crazy busy? Insanely busy? Nowadays we’re almost always busy. We boast about it as a point of pride — so much achievement and productivity!

“We love each other. We have a good relationship. But there’s not much happening in the bedroom.”

We have two brains — one that can get us into trouble, and one that can get us out.