In this second installment about narcissism, we explore the eight different types of narcissists, based on Dr. Ramani Durvasula’s work and her book, “Don’t You Know Who I Am? How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility,” as well as her videos on YouTube. Her channel and books are valuable resources for learning more about these patterns.
Based on her work, there are eight commonly recognized types of narcissists: grandiose, covert or vulnerable, malignant (dark triad or dark tetrad), communal, benign, neglectful, entitled or self-righteous, and generational or cultural.
Why is it more helpful to focus on patterns rather than labels?
As noted in the first installment, the label is less important than being able to recognize patterns of behavior. These traits exist on a spectrum, and where appropriate, examples of that spectrum will be highlighted within each type.
Additionally, to further highlight the difference between confidence and pathological narcissism, Dr. Durvasula writes in her book that “True confidence is a bit more restrained and quiet, and tends to be backed up with an accurate assessment of one’s ability, an appropriate manner of communicating those abilities, the willingness to hear about other people’s skills or perspectives, and enough humility to put others at ease” (pg. 87).
What is a Grandiose Narcissist?
A grandiose narcissist is often what people think of when they hear the term “narcissist,” sometimes referred to as the “classic” or stereotypical presentation. These individuals are typically described as arrogant, entitled, charming, grandiose, superficial, and vain. Dr. Durvasula describes these individuals as “show-offs” and “overly confident”, and frequently not accompanied with an accurate assessment of their abilities. They tend to lack empathy and have a proclivity for lying and being antagonistic. When these individuals are disappointed, they will exhibit rage.
People may find themselves drawn to them, often quickly, because they tend be very charming and successful. These individuals may also be rather prominent in their communities.
When interacting with these individuals, one-on-one conversations tend to be one-sided. They will often be very talkative, but it is about themselves. When you attempt to talk, they may seem uninterested and act busy.
What is a Covert/Vulnerable Narcissist?
A covert or vulnerable narcissist is characterized by a lack of empathy, entitlement, hypersensitivity, passive aggressive behavior, a strong sense of justice, resentment, insecurity, low self-esteem, and higher levels of depression. Contempt is pervasive and prominent in these individuals. In more extreme cases, these individuals may exhibit behaviors consistent with sociopathy.
These individuals frequently engage in projection. Projection is a defense mechanism unconsciously used to regulate anxiety related to oneself. An example of this may be when someone is being aggressive and then accuses the other person of being aggressive instead of acknowledging their own behavior. When individuals are unable to tolerate an aspect of themselves, they may “project” it onto others. This can lead to conflict, distress, and gaslighting.
The hypersensitivity is related to perceived hostility from others as well as feeling criticized by others. Interactions with others often feel hostile, and these individuals may engage with others through a hostile attribution bias. This means they may experience others as hostile, and because there is a perception of hostility, they may respond in kind. This may be further influenced by underlying grandiose beliefs, which may be expressed in a less obvious way than in grandiose narcissism. These individuals may present as though they are misunderstood and/or that their abilities are not well understood, which may contribute to feelings of being slighted and perceiving others as hostile.
Additionally, in relation to a sense of justice, a covert or vulnerable narcissist may feel as though the world and others owe them something and may be described as brooding, as they feel they are due and deserve retribution. Their resentment is often tied to the perception that others have a better life than they do.
As noted in the first installment, there is often a question about the impact of early childhood abuse, neglect, and trauma on personality disorders. Of all the types of narcissists, this presentation is more likely to be associated with an abusive childhood. As Dr. Durvasula writes, “A child exposed to chronic neglect and invalidation is going to have been exposed to more hostile motivations and become more attuned to combing their environments for hostile threats” (pg. 90).
What is a Malignant Narcissist?
According to Dr. Durvasula, this is the most toxic and aversive type of narcissist. She writes, “This form takes the grandiose narcissist and adds a more exploitative, antagonistic, Machiavellian, and, at times, seemingly psychopathic overlay… Malignant narcissists drive people to the edge and leave them feeling betrayed, fearful, manipulated, tricked, and devastated” (pg 88).
The malignant narcissist is often referred to as the Dark Triad (psychopathy, Machiavellianism, and narcissism) or Dark Tetrad (psychopathy, Machiavellianism, sadism, and narcissism). These individuals are quite charming, yet political, manipulative, and often lack remorse. Due to their exploitative nature, they can truly cause a lot of devastation and damage to others. These are individuals who may not only bend or break the rules, but also abuse their power. These individuals often see others as disposable and a means to an end.
Leaving a relationship with a malignant narcissist can be very difficult due to fear of the narcissist and what they may do.
What is a Communal Narcissist?
Communal narcissists are wholly engaged in the community and post everything online about their pursuits in changing the world. “Communal narcissists may feature frequent posts on their social media or personal website showing them interacting with those ‘less fortunate’ than them and drawing attention to their charitable deeds with hashtags like #savingtheworld, #feelsgoodtogiveback, #charitygoals, #iloveeveryone, or #elephantsarepeopletoo. Then they sit back, expect validation from their followers (‘Wow, you are amazing,’ ‘You have the biggest heart ever,’ ‘Keep saving the world – and you look hot in your bikini’) and then bask in likes and comments about their giving nature” (pg. 93).
These individuals perceive themselves as altruistic, which is in contrast to the three above types that would perceive themselves as successful. Dr. Durvasula makes a point of caution that there are people who can truly give of themselves to others and not be a communal narcissist. She stresses that the difference, and important factor to consider, is the motivation behind the altruistic behaviors and actions.
Further, these individuals may present to the world as others-facing, while at home they may be quite the opposite. This can result in a lot of confusion for loved ones and partners, as at home the other narcissistic traits are on display. “In many ways, the communal narcissist derives a sense of self from the idea of being a ‘giver’ but maintains little insight into his or her entitlement, antagonism, or lack of empathy in other close relationships” (pg. 94).
What is a Neglectful Narcissist?
Neglectful narcissists do not engage with anyone unless they want something from them. People are seen as conveniences for them and not as individuals to have genuine relationships and connections with.
What is a Benign Narcissist?
Benign narcissists often exhibit a lack of empathy, entitlement, and grandiosity, however, other experience their lack of empathy as being clueless, their entitlement as being clumsy, and their grandiosity as being childlike. These are the individuals that only talk about themselves or work to make your story, or what you are saying, about them.
They have a superficial immaturity and often resemble adolescents who are preoccupied with caring what others think about them, obsessively follow social media and likes, are thoughtless when they speak, and others are often dismissing their behaviors as someone who does not have a filter.
Relationships with these individuals may not be fulfilling and may be described as shallow and immature. In comparison to the other types of narcissists, these individuals do not cause as much damage or destruction. In many ways, they are very harmless.
What is an Entitled Narcissist?
Dr. Durvasula describes that entitlement is being seen everywhere today, which underscores that entitlement is taught; it is not a trait we are born with, like introversion/extraversion.
Entitlement is visible in the behaviors of others, and it is the belief that we deserve special treatment without cause or reason, even at the expense of another person. We can all think of examples of entitlement. The impatient person at the store who feels they do not need to wait in line, or the person who removes a “reserved” sign in a blocked off area at an event and sits in a restricted area anyways.
Entitlement is taught through modeling and reinforcement by parents who do not correct their children when they act entitled, and/or do not teach their children how to regulate their own emotions when they do not get what they want when they want it. Another example of how entitlement is fostered can be seen through instillment of the idea that everyone receives a trophy regardless of their team winning. This can create the false understanding within a child that special treatment, celebration, and recognition will always be extended. As these children age, these are sometimes the students in school who ask why they did not receive an A in a course, despite not completing any work or passing exams. They may argue that they attended, tried and thus are deserving of the A. As noted in the first installment, when children do not learn how to temper their wants and/or do not learn how to regulate and tolerate disappointment, they will be unable to tolerate situations in which they are being told “no,” are not recognized, promoted, or provided with constructive criticism.
Dr. Durvasula describes that entitlement may also express itself as self-righteousness. This involves the convenient use of morality where rules do not apply to them, and their view of the world is correct.
What is a Generational/Cultural Narcissist?
This type of narcissist is one of the most difficult to describe, even in the consideration of it being a form of narcissism. Dr. Durvasula even cautions that she is not completely convinced that narcissism would be accurate here due to the universality of histories.
In general, these are narcissists whose behaviors are reinforced by culture. This may look like when we say, “Our parent looks and acts narcissistic, however, we can understand it because we know their family history, where they came from, where they lived, etc”. This type of narcissist is reinforced throughout history through intergenerational traumas and other patterns of behaviors. Dr. Durvasula describes that these patterns of narcissistic behaviors are observed in cultures and societies characterized by stratification by authoritarianism, patriarchy, major differences in power, massive divides between “haves and have nots,” and cultures with a variety of pervasive -isms, such as racism, colonialism, etc. Insecurity is often pervasive in these societies, especially among those with power. They will act in ways to ensure their power. In this way then, narcissism becomes an adaptive trait, both by those with power and those oppressed. Entitlement now develops as a function of money, social status, etc. These behaviors and ways of societal functioning in turn do not support the development of empathy or even emotional depth in relationships. This can serve to dehumanize others and treat them as indispensable and a means to an end, and reinforces an earlier point about entitlement being taught rather than an innate trait.
We have a tendency here to excuse these behaviors when we express that we understand why someone behaves a certain way given their histories. Unlike the other types of narcissists described above, this type (if we even determine it to be one), would exist in overlap with the other types and not standalone.
Looking Ahead
In the final installment, we’ll explore what relationships with narcissistic individuals can look like, how these dynamics develop over time, and the patterns that often emerge. We’ll also take a closer look at trauma bonds, how to recognize them, and what it can look like to begin breaking free. Additional resources will be shared to support you, wherever you may be in the process.
