marriage

Many men with greater earning power than their wives or girlfriends will subtly — or not so subtly — use that distinction as a basis for asserting more overall power in the relationship. They may act as though their larger salary gives them a voting advantage when it comes to decisions — spending or otherwise. Once this power dimension takes hold, relationship inequality can result. Sociologists have long known that relationship inequality, particularly large imbalances of power, tends to promote unhappiness in the less “powerful” partner.

Opposites tend to attract when it comes to spending styles. Whether you and your partner's spending styles are more or less similar, one factor contributing to marital happiness is operating as a financial partnership while retaining some measure of financial autonomy.

A 2011 review* of 5,000 divorce petitions revealed that 33% of allegations of improper spousal behavior cited postings on Facebook as evidence. This figure is an increase from 20% when a similar review was first conducted in December 2009 by the popular British divorce website, www.divorce-online.co.uk.

Commitment is about making it hard on ourselves to walk away once we've decided — and only after making it clear to a spouse — that we're not willing to live like this anymore. And it's about being ready to do what it takes for a period long enough to give change a chance, relying on reasonable compromise, appropriate sacrifice, professional counseling, and lots of conversation.

"Why did you have to ...?" "If it wasn't for you ..." "How many times have I told you ...?" Is there any couple alive that doesn't sometimes indulge in the blame game — finding fault in one another when something goes wrong?

Who would have thought that texting could be an effective way for spouses to express affection, to convey "I'm thinking of you"? So much of the time, we hear and read about modern technology coming between us. Apparently, it doesn't always have to be that way.

"You may be the love of my life," said the husband, "but I feel really upset when you ____."

What does the brain find more stimulating? Twenty uninterrupted minutes chatting with a spouse, or twenty minutes checking email, surfing websites, receiving texts, and glancing up occasionally to follow the action on the flat screen television?

At the end of each workday, couples face two goals: to unwind from the day's stresses, and to take care of the family's needs. But can a spouse truly unwind when faced with household chores, meal preparation, and (if there are kids at home) the endless demands of child management? When couples are both wage-earners, each needs to recover from the day's stress. But when there's plenty to do after coming through the door, who gets to relax? Who enjoys the leisure that allows the cortisol level to drop?

Money. Power. Sex. Three of the trickiest topics for couples to discuss. Sex, in particular, can stir feelings of embarrassment and shame, leaving us tongue-tied. For instance, a great many women experience physical pain during intercourse — and find it tough to talk about.