parenting

Many of us have it backwards. With our kids, we emphasize talking rather than listening. We believe that good parenting means explaining, reminding, correcting, admonishing, instructing — it's no wonder a lot more words come out of our mouths than theirs. In time, all our gab tends to turn them off. By adolescence, many tune us out.

At the end of each workday, couples face two goals: to unwind from the day's stresses, and to take care of the family's needs. But can a spouse truly unwind when faced with household chores, meal preparation, and (if there are kids at home) the endless demands of child management? When couples are both wage-earners, each needs to recover from the day's stress. But when there's plenty to do after coming through the door, who gets to relax? Who enjoys the leisure that allows the cortisol level to drop?

Mistakes? It's an inevitable part of the learning process — errors on homework, on tests, on the answers kids give when called on in class.

Boredom? Rather than something to be avoided at all costs, try thinking of boredom as the prelude to creativity. When children sit around with nothing particular to do — "Mom, I'm bored!" — and Mom resists the impulse to rescue them, they're challenged to use their imaginations and find ways to creatively pass the time. What better opportunity than summer to exercise this important capacity?

If the thought of the kids sitting ringside when you and your partner go at it leaves you horrified, it's time to brush up on your fair fighting skills.

Much research has been devoted to discovering the components of a satisfying marital relationship. Typically, researchers measure marital quality by asking spouses to rate their global marital satisfaction, which is defined as “an attitude of greater or lesser favorability toward one’s own marital relationship” (Roach, Frazier & Bowden, 1981, p. 537).

Research published in the Journal of Developmental Psychology (December, 2009) reveals that kids who spent more time doing household jobs reported greater levels of happiness than kids who spent less.

Research out of the University of Michigan and reported in the March 2006 issue of The Journal of Research on Adolescence found that adolescents who use TV for companionship (as a substitute for friends) are far more likely to accept uncritically the dominant messages that they see on the screen, as compared to adolescents who turn to television as just a fun way to pass the time.

The transition to parenthood can be an exciting time for couples, full of anticipation and hope for the future. In preparing to become parents, couples often focus on childbirth and childrearing. Hospitals, bookstores, and the Internet offer extensive resources on childbirth, breastfeeding, and infant care. However, less attention is given to the couple’s relationship, and the considerable changes it will experience when a child enters the family.