Beyond Small Talk
Research out of the University of Arizona and reported in the April 2010 issue of Psychological Science revealed that the happiest people spend about 70 percent more time talking to others in comparison to the least happy people. The happiest people also engage in small talk one third less time than the least happy people. In fact, the happiest people had twice as many substantive conversations as the unhappiest people.
The researchers speculate what they call "substantive talk" — those meaty conversations about our relationships, about our work, about how we're feeling about life — these are the conversations that satisfy two basic psychological hungers: (1) our need to make meaning out of our lives, and (2) our need to feel strongly connected to others. In other words, substantive talk feeds our natural hungers, which may explain why it leads to greater contentment.
It stands to reason that when those meaty conversations occur with a spouse or partner, the relationship becomes an important vehicle for attaining personal happiness.
Experiment yourself for a couple of months to see what happens when you engage your partner in conversations about:
- Goals: the goals you each have for yourselves — personal and professional.
- Challenges: a recent challenge each of you faced and what you learned from it.
- Extremes: the highs and the lows in your lives lately, and what they mean to you.
Talk to each other often, and remember to reach beyond the customary small talk.