relationship

Have you ever found yourself bickering with your partner over what really happened? Debating your version versus mine? How easily we forget that there are always two realities at play: objective reality and emotional reality.

Among the many predictors of good outcome in therapy, none is more powerful than the relationship between client and therapist (Safran & Muran, 2000). Put simply, without a strong enough relationship, or therapeutic alliance, the client and therapist cannot do meaningful and effective work.

Many men with greater earning power than their wives or girlfriends will subtly — or not so subtly — use that distinction as a basis for asserting more overall power in the relationship. They may act as though their larger salary gives them a voting advantage when it comes to decisions — spending or otherwise. Once this power dimension takes hold, relationship inequality can result. Sociologists have long known that relationship inequality, particularly large imbalances of power, tends to promote unhappiness in the less “powerful” partner.

Opposites tend to attract when it comes to spending styles. Whether you and your partner's spending styles are more or less similar, one factor contributing to marital happiness is operating as a financial partnership while retaining some measure of financial autonomy.

We use the word a lot — trust — but what do we mean when we say it? What aspects of our relationship are we referring to when we use that word?

Do you know that there's a better and a poorer way to complain, to voice grievances with your spouse? It starts with knowing the difference between a complaint (which focuses on behavior) and criticism (which focuses on the person). Avoid criticizing; practice complaining.

The Roman author, Cicero, had no way of knowing that 2,000 years after he expressed those words, science would find solid evidence that friendship is indeed a key ingredient in the lives of the happiest — and healthiest — people.

A 2011 review* of 5,000 divorce petitions revealed that 33% of allegations of improper spousal behavior cited postings on Facebook as evidence. This figure is an increase from 20% when a similar review was first conducted in December 2009 by the popular British divorce website, www.divorce-online.co.uk.

Commitment is about making it hard on ourselves to walk away once we've decided — and only after making it clear to a spouse — that we're not willing to live like this anymore. And it's about being ready to do what it takes for a period long enough to give change a chance, relying on reasonable compromise, appropriate sacrifice, professional counseling, and lots of conversation.

"Why did you have to ...?" "If it wasn't for you ..." "How many times have I told you ...?" Is there any couple alive that doesn't sometimes indulge in the blame game — finding fault in one another when something goes wrong?